Oh Fudge!!

I am a lover of fudge. Of any kind really. When I went back to Banff the first thing I wanted to do was go to the fudge store. They have at least 25 different kinds of fudge. I remember my Grandpa making it when I was a kid. I think it was the only time he actually did anything in the kitchen. That and maybe open some cans of tuna for the cats. I prefer fudge when it's smooth, not granular. The smoothness gives it an extra little oomph.
All this to say, I suck at making fudge. The few times I have tried, it's been a disaster. Shouldn't I have some sort of fudge making gene from my Grandpa, or is it recessive? The last time, it was just plain nasty. I don't know what I did wrong but it wasn't quite solid, not quite liquid either. Flubber! That's exactly what it was. Tasty flubber fudge that was good for spreading on toast.
My friend gave me an easy fudge recipe. It's good, but it's got the granular thing going for it. That and I don't think fudge is supposed to have icing sugar in it.

My husband, the geek, after trying the Flubber Fudge sent me this, the science of fudge:



I chuckled at first but then when I actually watched the video it was quite helpful. I know where I went wrong last time. So, I made fudge tonight. I think I may have succeeded too! I've been typing this as I let it cool, then went back to it to stir it up. The recipe says to beat the mixture for a few minutes and that it will go from glossy to opaque and thicken up. At first I'm whipping it into a frenzy and nothing is happening. Oh crap! Was I supposed to use an electric mixer? I debate taking out the mixer and risking waking Alex up, but I check the recipe again. Hmm nothing about mixer speed. It must be by hand. I go back to the bowl and start mixing again. You guys, it was magical. I could see it starting to crystalize and become opaque. Suddenly it was the consistency of peanut butter cookie batter. Did I really get the fudge to work?

I'll post the results later, when it cools. For now here's the recipe for Incredible Brown Sugar Fudge.

My bad-ass no-good kitchen.

My kitchen hates me. And really, I hate it right back. It's cramped, I have zero counter space, the walls are white but the ceiling is beige (we never got around to painting the ceiling, but seriously? Who does that, paint a ceiling beige), the stove is possessed and the fridge has a serious attitude problem.

Dear Refrigerator, You and I are not friends. Yes, you do your job marginally well, but you have no people skills. I will not mourn your loss when you quit.
-me
The freezer is tiny and has no shelves so it regularly spills frozen projectiles out onto the floor, my foot, a curious toddler's head. The fridge is not any better. The bottom shelf that holds the one drawer regularly collapses on me, forcing me to rearrange the whole bottom half of the fridge. So, I've given up. Yes, fridge, you win. I will put nothing in the drawer losing a quarter of the space. It's like a four year old with a really tiny bladder. Yeah, you know, THAT kid. Oh and if anything is pushed too far back in the fridge, it freezes.
My stove? Burns thing. I swear. It's not the chef. For years I burnt cookies. I was able to cook other stuff but cookies? Hockey pucks. I got fed up and bought a thermometer for the oven. It's 75 degrees hotter than the dial says it is. So, the usual 350F? Actually 425F. I'm on to you, Stove. I have your number.

In the past three weeks I've had to mop up a dozen eggs, a full bottle of Pam cooking spray (frothy oily projectile), a liter of milk, a bottle of formula, Alex spilled an entire bag of Corn Pops on the floor, I dropped an entire meal on the floor and burnt another. I was making a cake for a friend's baby shower and as I popped the cake out of the pan, it broke in half. Alex quickly grabbed large chunks of cake and shoved them in his mouth. Well, at least the cake tasted good. The second batch burned (see above). The only counter space I have that is out of range of grabby little hands is not counter space at all. It's my stove. I have very bad kitchen juju. Even the Buddist chanting my sister suggested hasn't helped (Nam myoho renge kyo if anyone wants to help me out and chant to the universe for me to have a nicer kitchen).

My cupboards start above my head. I can reach everything on the first of four shelves. I have to use a step ladder to get anything other than peanut butter or cereal out. Oh and have I mentioned that Alex can climb stairs? Like stairs in the form of a step ladder? He either climbs up behind me, or even worse, he uses it LIKE A WALKER and walks away while I'm standing on the counter.

Seriously? Those shiny, nicely painted, cupboards that close, sexy tiled, massive counterspaced kitchens with dish washers and shiny stainless steel appliances that I see in magazines or on the Ikea showroom floors? That's hot.

Sock Monkey Part Deux: Damn that monkey, it's done!

Oh my god that was exhausting. This was supposed to be relaxing, fun for me. Ummm not so much. I think most of my frustration came from the kit I was using, I didn't start from scratch. I bought it at the toy store, Not a good product. Seriously, screw you Action Products, maker of The Classic Sock Monkey kit. First the age on it is ridiculous. Ages 6 and up. Ok, this skilled stitch maven could barely keep it together at 34 and 3/4. I ran out of thread making the body and contacted the company for more thread. No reply. Not good customer service, especially for kids stuff where pieces ALWAYS go missing. The thread was about 3 bunches too short. Gah! The stuffing was yucky and bunchy, the vest the monkey is wearing is sooooo going to get torn by young Mr. in about 5 minutes. Sigh. It was a learning experience and I can't wait to start another one with my own designs.

This is Stanley.

I think his expression is arrogant indifference.

SuckyMcSuckerson

Even Sweetie is all "Who is this guy? Who does he think he is?"

Clearly my crafting skills are a little rusty....

I've been working on this sock monkey FOREVER and thought I could finish it last night. Alex went to sleep early (hooray!) so I worked on it while I watched the Stanley cup finals. Umm yeah, apparently there should have been more focus and less hockey. First came the crooked ear "ah it adds charm" I told myself...and then the arm fail. Yeah, not charming just creepy. Aww it's not so bad you say? My thesis was on sewing in art therapy, I made my prom dress and a couple for friends, and I made my sister's wedding dress for goodness sake. Tonight, undo the disaster and try again.

The other eye is on the way after some major reconstruction surgery.

That ear is so wrong. That and the freakish arm coming out his back.

At least the monkey has a nice butt.

Cake Fail (or Strawberry Shortcake Went on a Bender Cake)

So last Sunday I attempted a Strawberry Shortcake type cake for my Mother-in-Law. I baked the cake the day before. I figured I would have plenty of time to decorate it the next day. Yeah, I was wrong. I had the not so brilliant idea to make strawberry icing for the center layer. So I added some berries to a regular icing recipe that would be a small batch.The strawberries were too runny, since I had cut them up the night before. I tried to drain the juice. I figured ok, just add more icing sugar, it will thicken up. A kilo of icing sugar later (2.2lbs of sugar for my American friends) it was still a little runny. Raaaaats. I was running out of time and ran out of icing sugar to make the buttercream frosting for the outside. I slapped the pink goo in between the cake layers, and set off to the grocery store while Alex napped in the carrier on daddy. I knew I had little time left before we had to be at my mother-in-law's place so I caved and bought a container of pre made icing. Well actually 2 of them (I couldn't remember which brand has the nasty aftertaste, so I bought a Duncan Hines and a Betty Crocker container). I hurried home and slapped the icing on as fast as I could. Le sigh. Not at all what I had in mind.

The radioactive Pepto Bismol icing. A whole whack of it.

What I should have done in the first place. Strawberries on the icing, not IN the icing.

Mistake #2. I should have let the cut cake side soak up the juice. Instead it oozed out of a couple of sinkholes on the side.

The final product. It looks meh. Martha Stewart is rolling her eyes at me.

P.S. Duncan Hines is the better tasting icing, if you're pathetic like me and can't master frosting.